Words That Hurt: What Not to Say to a Grieving Mom

Humans are flawed. We all make mistakes. Unfortunately, at times we say and do things that hurt others. I have made my fair share of mistakes – and I regret the hurt I have caused.

I have learned to stay in my own lane. I respect others’ opinions. It would be boring if we were all the same.

Over the past 17 years, I have spoken with many grieving moms. Many have expressed gratitude for the kind people they’ve encountered on their journeys. I, too, have so much gratitude for the people I continue to meet on my own journey.

Some moms have also shared how deeply hurt they were by others’ words. I, too, have been stung by comments made about my grief.

We all grieve differently.

I’ve come to understand that many people genuinely want to “fix” grieving moms. They want to take away our pain – even though they can’t.

I also realize that many people are extremely uncomfortable discussing death.

Some people have a lot to say about something they have never experienced. (And I’m glad they’re not part of the club…).

Words That Can Deeply Hurt Grieving Moms:

1. Being told they won’t survive.

2. Being asked if they’re over it.

3. Being told to stay strong.

4. Being told to stop crying.

5. Being asked why they don’t cry.

6. Being told to suck it up.

7. Being told to smile.

8. Being told to pull up your damn boots.

9. Being told they look like crap.

10. Being gossiped about.

11. Being told their child is in a better place.

12. Being told they spend too much time at the cemetery.

13. Being asked not to talk about their deceased child.

14. Being told they’ve changed.

15. Being told, “At least you have a house.”

16. Being told, “At least you have other children.”

I don’t tell the mechanic how to change my oil.

Please don’t tell grieving moms how to feel or behave.

Yours in hope,

Denise