Grace for Grieving Moms this Holiday Season

I hold deep respect for all cultures and their holiday traditions. In this blog, I reflect on Christmas simply because it is the tradition I was raised with. No matter what you celebrate, or choose not to celebrate, my hope is that these words bring comfort and encouragement to you on your grief journey.

Christmas lights are up. Beautiful Christmas wreaths are on front doors. Christmas music is playing at the hairdressers. Everywhere you go there is nonstop chatter about upcoming parties, children’s school concerts, cards to be written, gifts to be purchased, cookies to bake and the mall parking lots are full. 

For some grieving Moms and families, the Holly Jolly of the month of December can feel overwhelming.  

It can be hard to breathe when others “should you” with their opinions about child loss and Christmas. Unfortunately, there are some folks who have the proclivity to micromanage the grieving. They just don’t “get it.” 

Try to spend time with compassionate people. There are remarkable individuals who won’t judge you. People who are gentle and kind will respect your feelings.

I have chosen not to recount about my personal Christmas experiences. In my early grief years December and Christmas were very painful. As my grief softened, the joy of Christmas returned. Hope is powerful. Grief is complicated and I understand that some days are harder than others.

The following are suggestions that I feel may help you through the month of December. There can be a lot of anticipatory stress leading up to Christmas. 

Some suggestions:

• Consider gathering for a Family Meeting. Sit together, check in with one another, and listen with your heart. Give everyone space to share how they would like to approach Christmas this year. Remember, Moms, Dads, and Siblings all grieve differently.

• Please, please prioritize your self care.

• Consider altering your Christmas plans if that is what you need to do. 

• Perhaps consider delivering Food Hampers to the Disadvantaged in your Community. (Many struggle in December.) It is a kind thing to do and also a distraction.

• You do not have to decorate.

• You do not have to have a Christmas tree.

• You do not have to put up your Christmas lights.

• You may decide to decorate a tree to honour your child.

• You may politely say No to invitations.

• You may say Yes to some invitations. You may say Maybe to invitations.

• You may decide to make new traditions.

• You may want to speak about your child and your Christmas memories.

• You may want to light a candle for your child on Christmas.

• Please give yourself permission to feel your feelings.

• You may want to watch your child's favorite Christmas Movie. Eat their favourite treats.

• You may decide not to go to church.

• You may decide to go to church.

• Please do not compare yourself to others. Your grief is yours.
  

Grieving moms whatever you choose to do please give yourself grace. May you all have moments of peace. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Yours in hope, Denise